No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
