She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
