My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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