Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My first STD was from a foam party
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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