I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
