I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
