bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
