Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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