He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
