Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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