remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
