Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
