Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
