Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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