When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
