I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
