I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
