I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
