Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
