3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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