Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im part way to drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
