I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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