what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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