This is not my ceiling
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
