If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
