speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
