Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
