Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
