and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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