Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize