So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
