She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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