DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
