Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
