So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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