Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
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She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize