Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
