how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
