My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
