Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
3 2 1 whiskey
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
