Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
