Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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