My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
