Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
