I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
