btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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