Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think my tv is drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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