i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
