I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
