The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
