so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My liver just had a heart attack.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
