If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
