apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
