True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
