You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
