The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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