he shaved USA in his pubs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
