You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
