butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
