Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
