I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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