She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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