It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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