I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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