And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
