I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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