Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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