it hurts more in the daytime
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
