i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
