What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
