This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
