shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize