I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
