I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
