You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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