I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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