I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
