My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
