8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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