I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Boobs are out for the taking
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
