You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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