She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize