apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
